Just about a year ago I was blind sided by my ex husband. He had vanished for a weekend, came back on the Sunday evening, packed his bags and left. I had just given birth to our son and our daughter was three years old. I felt as if the air was sucked out of my lungs
When this happened I felt alone. Although I have encountered my fair share of divorced people, nothing like this. Nothing involving a newborn. No one could relate.
I immediately went on anti depressants (because my son was just born the threat of post natal depression was a definite possibility) I was fortunate that I had friends and family that supported me.
Although the intentions were good (ever hear the saying the road too hell was paved with good intentions ?) I heard a few things that would make me scream on the inside . 'I always knew something was off about him' - that's a classic. Who thinks this makes anyone feel better? And why didn't you warn me??? And then there's the ' let go of your anger' - now this one was in my opinion, the worst.
Look eventually things get better . You do let go of the anger - however who determines the time frame? I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, 'talk to me if this happens to you!!!!! Until then shut up!!!!' Why can't I be angry? If only for a little while? I paid my dues. I have a right too be angry!!! Why do I always have to be strong? Why don't I get to have a melt down?
I started to ask my family and friends to listen, just listen. I knew what I had to do to rebuild however, I needed too get the ugliness out. . I needed to vent and cry and be angry first. So that's what I did. I got angry, despite what anyone said.
It has been almost a year and my kids had their first visitation with their father ( he wasn't interested before) and when I handed them over too him, although nervous, as my son doesn't know him, I looked at my ex husband and for the first time, I " nothing-ed" him. I didn't hate him or miss him. I didn't get angry or want to run him over with my car, he was irrelevant. I didn't want to exchange pleasantries, I didn't care . And that is when I knew I had let all the hurt and pain go.
But I did it in my time. There is no right or wrong way to heal and let no one tell you how you should feel. This is your journey. Do what you need to get through it.
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